“The Challenge of Forgiving”
A sermon preached on 7 Sept 2014, Pentecost XI, at New Hope, Oakville, CT, on Matt 18:15-20
I.
Looking Out for One Another
For
fifteen months journalist Sebastian Junger followed a single platoon of U.S.
soldiers stationed in a dangerous part of Afghanistan. Living and working in
the midst of a warzone made Junger realize how much the soldiers had to rely on
each other. What you do or don’t do as a soldier affects everyone else in your
platoon. Junger writes:
Margins were so small and
errors potentially so catastrophic that every soldier had a kind of de facto
authority to reprimand others—in some cases even officers. And because combat
can hinge on [small] details, there was nothing in a soldier's daily routine
that fell outside the group's purview. Whether you tied your shoes or cleaned
your weapon or drank enough water or secured your night vision gear were all
matters of public concern and so were open to public scrutiny.
Once I watched a private accost another private
whose bootlaces were trailing on the ground. Not that he cared what it looked
like, but if something happened out there—and out there, everything happened
suddenly—the guy with the loose laces couldn't be counted on to keep his feet
at a crucial moment. It was the other man's life he was risking, not just his
own .... There was no such thing as personal safety out there; what happened to
you happened to everyone.
I
remember hearing a talk early on in my ordained ministry in which the speaker
reminded us that we Christians might like to think that, as church members, we
were passengers on a cruise ship – but the reality is, we are crew members on a
battleship. There are tremendous joys,
great satisfactions, and enormous benefits to being a Christian, but they come
to us not because we are relaxing in an atmosphere dedicated to giving us
pleasure, but because we are part of a great expeditionary force to free
captives and release prisoners held by the enemy. We are at war.
It is,
to be sure, a spiritual war. As Paul
reminds us in Ephesians 6:9, “For we
do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the
authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Our weapons in this warfare are not bombs,
bullets, and propaganda, but rather the spiritual weapons of prayer, love, and
truth.
We are
to use prayer, love, and truth as we reach out into the community around us in
evangelism and service in Jesus’ name.
We are to use prayer, love, and truth as we worship the Lord on Sunday
mornings. We are to use prayer, love,
and truth as we go to work on Monday morning.
And we are to use prayer, love, and truth in all our relationships.
II.
The Need for Church
Discipline
It is
with this in mind that I want to look at our Gospel reading from Matthew
18. This is a passage where Jesus is
looking ahead to the days when his ministry will be carried out by his people,
gathered in local congregations. He
knows the human heart, and so he knows that we will hurt one another in various
ways. He provides a godly way to deal
with those hurts – not with anger and revenge, but with care and compassion, so
that relationships are healed and the body is restored to health.
Every
denomination and most independent congregations have used this passage as the
core of their church laws on church discipline.
“Discipline” is not a word that we particularly like, and few people
want to be disciplined – but the truth of the matter is, we all need a word of
correction now and then. When Paul wrote
of Scripture in 2 Timothy 3:16, 17, he said, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and
profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in
righteousness, that the man of God may be
complete, equipped for every good work.” Note that Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit,
assumes that people will need reproof and correction.
The
rules that Jesus gave for church discipline are often used in a harsh and
heavy-handed way, as people, trying to be obedient to the structure Jesus has
given us, read this passage – and often only this passage. But the reality is that there are many other
passages in the Bible that speak of how we are to deal with the reality that we
are sinners who are forgiven but not yet perfect. If we simply look at the context of the
passage we read this morning, we see that it is surrounded by compassion and
mercy. Chapter 18 opens by noting that
the disciples are engaged in a discussion of which of them is the greatest –
and I suspect that it was not a calm discussion, but possibly one in which each
put forth his virtues and pointed out the shortcomings of his fellow disciples
emphatically. Jesus intervened, telling
them that their discussion was pointless, for, he tells us, we are to be like
little children. He goes on to remind
them that presenting others with temptations is a dreadful thing to do, worthy
of divine punishment. He tells us that
we are to avoid tempting situations even if the cost of doing so is great: “cut
off your hand…” Then Jesus goes on to
give the Parable of the Lost Sheep, in which he says that each one of his
people is of such great importance to him that he will search high and low to
restore them, like a shepherd leaving ninety-nine sheep in the fold to go find
one that is out in the wilderness. Then
following this passage on dealing with a brother or sister who has sinned
against you, Jesus tells the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. He reminds us that we have been forgiven far
greater offenses against a loving God than any person could offend against us,
and that therefore the only possible thing to do is forgive as we have been
forgiven.
The context
of the passage reminds us that church discipline is to be carried out in
compassion and love. We are reminded of
this need by what Paul says in Galatians 6:1-2, “Brothers, if anyone is caught
in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of
gentleness, lest you too be tempted.
Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Correction must be clear, but it also must be
careful and caring.
During
the Reformation, many of the Reformers said that the three marks of a true
church are the preaching of the Word, the celebration of the Sacraments, and
the administration of church discipline.
They saw discipline as needed for several reasons. One is that false teaching had to be pointed
out, and the false teacher either corrected or removed from a teaching
ministry. Secondly is that sins against
one another harm the Body of Christ – certainly those immediately involved, but
also others nearby. If you have ever
been in a work setting where two of your co-workers were at odds with each
other, you know how their bad relationship affects the whole workplace. It is much harder to get the job done when
tension fills the air. Thirdly, a person
cannot grow in the knowledge of the Lord and in faith unless they are able to
know their sins and faults and deal with them.
Hopefully, we are sensitive to our own sins, but we can be blind and
need another person humbly to help us to see our weaknesses.
Church
discipline is not the easiest thing in the world. It is, however, something that is needed for
the health and growth of the church, individually and as a community.
III.
If You Are the One to Go to
Another
The
Gospel reading begins with Jesus saying, “If your brother sins against you, go
and tell him his fault, between him and you alone.” There are two things I want to note about
what Jesus says here. The first is that
we are to go to the person in question – we are not to go to someone else and
say, “I am so hurt! You won’t believe
what Sam did to me…” I know that it is tempting
to go to someone else and gripe, for talking to someone else about their sin is
a very difficult thing, and it is comforting just to complain and not
confront. Jesus is clear, however: if we
have been hurt, there is only one person to speak to, and that is the person
who hurt you.
The
second thing I will note is that Jesus is providing a way for the other person
to recognize his sin, repent of it, be forgiven, and all the while keep his
dignity. If it is just between the two
of you, then those who are not directly affected by the sin need not know about
it. The two of you can deal with it, it
can be forgiven, and then you can both let go of it. You and the other person will have grown in
the process. If he cares to share how he
grew with others afterwards, that is fine; it is his choice – but do not share
the situation with anyone else beforehand, and only with the other’s permission
afterwards.
We are
to go to the other person – and that to me raises another question: how are we to go? It is important that we go in the right frame
of mind, or we may do more harm than good.
As the passage in Galatians says, if we see another in sin, we are to go
“in a spirit of gentleness.” We cannot
go in a spirit of anger, or in a desire to make the other person feel
miserable. Anger will only raise the
other person’s defenses and make it impossible for him to receive a call to
repentance. A desire for someone else to
feel miserable is also something that raises defenses and prevents a godly
response to a word of correction.
There is
only one way to go, and that is in the spirit that the unforgiving servant
should have had: in humility. You may
well have been grievously hurt by your brother or sister in Christ – but what
that person has done is nothing compared to what you have done to God. To sin against the living God means that at a
legal level, we have broken his law, and deserve death from him because of
that. Every sin is an act of treason
against the Kingdom of God. More than
that, at a personal level, we have in effect said to God, “You may consider
yourself wise, but you are not as wise as me – I know better than you.” We have said, “If you really loved me, you
would have allowed me to do this – and because you told me not to, it is clear
that you do not love me. Some ‘Father’
you are!”
Our sins
are both a legal offense against the laws of the King and a personal affront to
our loving heavenly Father. We have
broken both his law and his heart with our sins. Yet in Romans 5:8 we read, “But God shows his
love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” We have done nothing to earn or deserve God’s
mercy in forgiving us our sins and his grace in granting us the very
righteousness of Christ so that we may stand before him as sons and daughters,
fully accepted and called beloved. We
have not and we could not have earned such an enormous blessing – so when we go
to another who has sinned against us, we go as forgiven sinners.
We need
to go to someone who has sinned against us; we need to forgive, and they need
to repent. We both need to grow through
doing so. But there is only one way to
meet an erring brother or sister: at the foot of the cross, for only in the
cross do either of us receive God’s grace.
If your
first, private, interview does not bring repentance, then you would need to
follow with the remaining steps, of bringing two or three others to bear
witness to the conversation and to encourage the erring person to repent – or,
if needed, bring the matter before the whole congregation, since the sin
affects them as well, if only indirectly.
If worst
comes to worst, then the person will need to be excluded from the
communion. Jesus tells us to treat such
an unrepentant person “a Gentile and tax collector,” which means that they are
to be outside table fellowship. But at
the end of Matthew, Jesus sends us “into all the world,” to the Gentiles, to
make disciples, so we are to treat them with love and respect, seeking to win
them back to a full-fledged faith in Christ, so that they can be restored to
full fellowship and enjoy the Christian community again.
I heard
the story of a man who was a member in good standing of a church and who
committed adultery. He rejected all
attempts to correct him and refused to reconcile to his wife. Indeed, he divorced her. He told the elders of the congregation to go
away; the last thing he wanted to do was to darken the doorway of that church
again – and he vanished.
Two years later, he called the pastor, anxious
to restore his relationship to the church – and to his wife. His wife was astonished. She had been reluctant to trust him, but the
obvious changes in his priorities and in his life opened her heart to him. This man was active
in the Army Reserves, and his unit had been sent overseas to process the bodies
of the military who died in Iraq and prepare them for their return to the
States. God's hand was working in his life as he was confronted on a daily
basis with the brevity of life and permanence of eternity. Following this tour
of duty, and upon returning home, he met with the elders, confessed his sin,
and asked to be forgiven for his arrogance and the impact his life had on the
local body.
The
church had humbly and lovingly followed the directions of the Lord Jesus – and
in due course, at a time when no one expected it, the Lord used their
discipline and the man’s experiences to restore a heart to the Kingdom.
IV.
If You Are the One Approached
Let’s
look at this idea of going to the one who has offended you from another angle:
suppose YOU are the one who is approached and asked to repent. What then?
It is hard enough to go to someone who has transgressed against you –
what if you are the one who is thought to have done wrong?
As Pastor John Ortberg has said, “Trying to grow spiritually without hearing the truth about
yourself from somebody else is like trying to do brain surgery on yourself
without a mirror.” If somebody
comes to you and tells you that you have done something to wrong them, accept
them and hear them out. After all, we
are all sinners and we sin every day in ways both large and small. It is quite possible to do something to hurt
someone else and never notice that we did.
Of course, perhaps we have done something wrong
and recognized that we have harmed someone else a bit later – or, sadly, we
have seen an opportunity to help ourselves at the expense of another person and
taken that opportunity, hiding our actions as much as possible. In Matt 5:23, Jesus tells that if we are
aware that we have sinned against someone, to set aside even worship and go to
the person we have harmed and ask their forgiveness. But if we have ignored that instruction, and
someone comes to us, we need to listen carefully to what they are saying.
Perhaps the perceived offense is really a
misunderstanding. In that case, if you
have received the other person graciously, it will be much easier to see if it
is indeed a misunderstanding and if so to clear it up. As Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a
harsh word stirs up anger.” After
all, even if the person is mistaken about the offense, or comes with some anger
or a desire for revenge, the intention is still to make things right, and that
is commendable.
In the course of my walk with the Lord, I have
had people come to me a number of times and say, “There is something we need to
talk about.” What followed has never
been easy, and the first few times I entered into such a conversation, I fought
their assertions tooth and nail. I was
blessed those first few times to be dealing with people who were patient and
determined and who wore down my wall of resistance. When I heard what they had to say, it was not
easy, but it was good for me. Sometimes
I had offended them, and other times, the person noticed a pattern of behavior
in my life that was harming others or getting in the way of my effectiveness as
a servant of God, and they wanted me to know about it and repent of it.
It is a blessing to be corrected. We do not like to think that, but it is
true. Part of what goes on within us
sinners is that we believe, in our heart of hearts, that we are acceptable to
other people and to God based on our performance. We see people being applauded for
achievements in school, or sports, or in other areas of life, and it is easy
for us to believe that God operates in the same way, so that we must perform in
order to be commended and accepted by him.
If we think that the basis of our acceptance before God depends on what
we do and how well we do it, we are certain to protect our images by refusing
to hear any criticism. We will resist
strongly, and what began as an effort to help us grow in grace and in love
becomes a shouting match.
But if we recognize the reality is that we are
indeed sinners whose only hope of acceptance before the living, holy God is the
matchless work of the Lord Jesus as he laid down his life as a sacrifice on our
behalf, then we can receive correction with graciousness. We know that he has taken our sins and given
us life and his own righteousness, so we need not defend our own
accomplishments.
Jesus gave us these commands in Matthew 18,
along with those in Matthew 5, because he knew that we are, like the disciples,
prone to step on one another’s toes.
Since we are his chosen vehicle for reaching the world, he wants us to
stay in fellowship and be partners in the Gospel, using our gifts to bring
others to Christ, to train them, and to enable them to reflect his glory and
reveal his character. We need one
another to fulfill the great commission that the Lord Jesus has given us. We are in the midst of a great expedition to
rescue captives and to free slaves – and it requires teamwork by a team who
cares for one another.
There is great joy in being a Christian, for we
are becoming what God created us to be as we grow in Christ. We can know the Father, who loves us and
cares for us, because of Jesus, his Son, who died for us, and we can serve him
in the power of his Holy Spirit – but we do so not as a collection of
individuals, but as a team. As I said at
the beginning, we are not passengers on a cruise ship but the crew members of a
battleship. Our weapons of warfare are
not bombs and bullets, but prayer, love, and truth. If prayer, truth, and love characterize our
relationships with one another in the local congregation, they will also be
seen in how we reach out to those who do not yet believe.
As crew members we encourage each other to be
our best – to bring growth to one another and honor to Jesus as we become more
and more like him. It is for this reason
that Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault,
between you and him alone.” When we
speak the truth in love to one another, we are like Jesus, who always spoke the
truth, and always spoke in love.
To the Lord who came to us when we had sinned
against him be glory now and ever more.